Film Review E; Eraser (1996)

Rating: ★★

"The only thing that made this film good was how comically awful it was."

Running Time: 1 hour 55 minutes
Rating: 15
Release Date: 11 June, 1996
Genre: Action, Thriller
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Vanessa Williams, James Caan
Director: Charles Russell
Writers: Tony Puryear, Walon Green

Plot: An employee at a company that manufacturer top-secret weapons finds out a huge military secret and now it's up to good old Arnie to keep her safe - even from those meant to protect her.



Review: It's just so awful. Seriously. The only thing that made this film good was how comically awful it was. Everything was below par.

The storyline is one that anyone who has watched an action film could basically write. There is a little twist in there, a bit of conspiracy, even a bit of 'could there be, could there not be' romance. However, nothing that stood out in any way. I mean, it was amusing but not for the right reasons. The over the top and awkwardly bad acting were laughable - I'm sure even if the actor/actresses watch the film back they'd have to cringe.

Schwarzenegger's character is entirely what you'd expect of him. Complete indestructible hero. In fact, at one point (despite being an ordinary man), a grenade filled with nails explodes and a long nail goes straight through his hand - which he then pulls out and his hand, and it heals instantly. I hear he's now called Arnold 'Jesus' Schwarzenegger.


Now continuity errors are more regular in this film than displays of talented acting so let's have a look at the...

GOOFS

• The back window of the van repairs itself after it is shot out.
• Arnie drinks almost a full bottle of water on the plane, yet when the bottle later falls over it's almost half full.
• Arnie's arm sling changes from side to side towards the end of the film.
• Johnny C takes his vest off but within seconds, it's miraculously back on again.
• Lee's mini-cam switches sides as she's walking down the hall.

Film Review D; Despicable Me 2 (2013)

Rating: ★★★★

Running Time: 1 hour 38 minutes
Rating: U
Release Date: 28 June, 2013
Genre: Comedy, Family
Starring: Steve Carell, Russell Brand, Steve Coogan
Director: Pierre Coffin, Chris Renaud
Writers: Cinco Paul, Ken Daurio

Plot: Retired super villian Gru is unwillingly recruited by the Anti-Villian legaue to put a stop to a new criminal on the circuit, meeting some new characters along the way.

Review: An ultimate feel good song from start to finish. I had no idea Steve Carell was the voice of Gru - I don't really like him or many of the characters he plays but I fell in love with Gru. Who doesn't love an evil villain turned loving and comedic father?

The big question on everyone's mind is; is it as good as the first one? Well, in my opinion, no, unfortunately not. It is really good and funny; everything you'd expect it to be. The story line is light and simple yet still engaging enough to keep you interested throughout the entire film. However, the first Despicable Me was new and exciting - it was the first time we saw the minions and were introduced to the huge personality of Gru and the kids, Margo, Agnes and Edith.

Don't get me wrong, the characters are equally as good if not better in the second film. The personality and individuality of each minion is built upon which is amazing. Personalities are really developed and it was really enjoyable to watch, even if there wasn't much depth to it. Overall, definitely worth a watch to pick you up!

Watch out for the next Despicable Me film in 2015 - The Minions!

Here's a little gem from an NBA game I went to last night. An usher dancing to the main song of the soundtrack; Happy by Pharrell Williams

Film Review C; Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)

Rating: ★★★★

Running Time: 1 hour 55 minutes
Rating: PG
Release Date: 15 July, 2005
Genre: Comedy, Family
Starring: Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Freddie Highmore
Director: Tim Burton
Writers: Roald Dahl, John August

Plot: A young boy gets a chance for his dreams to come true as he visits the world's best chocolate factory run by fantastically eccentric chocolatier, Willy Wonka. It is one adventure no one could prepare for.

Review: I absolutely loved it. Right from the beginning, I was entranced by the mystical and enchanting acting and setting. It took me away to a fairytale, and although it is so far from my own reality, it felt like I was in it.

The CGI used in this film really made it for me. There is a lot of discussion about which it better, the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971) or the remake. Although both are really good for difference reasons, the remake wins it for me. It's so tight - the soundtrack, the CGI, the acting; it all works together perfectly.

The quirkiness of Johnny Depp's acting, the dark and twisted fantasies of Tim Burton's directing and the classic Roald Dahl humour combined creates a film that has odd eccentricities whilst still being good family fun for all ages. In my opinion, it was one of the most enjoyable films of it's kind of the past ten years.

TRIVIA TIME

Forty squirrels were ACTUALLY TRAINED for one scene.

Loads of the sweets, including the lollipops on the trees, were real.

Four of the five songs in the film were written by Roald Dahl himself.

Nearly 2,000 chocolate bars were provided for the making of the film by Nestlé.

It took almost six months to build the boat - so it could actually float on chocolate.

The river of chocolate was filled with over 200,000 gallons of fake chocolate.

Film Review B; BASEketball (1998)

Rating: ★★★

Running Time: 1 hour 43 minutes
Rating: 18
Release Date: 31 July, 1998
Genre: Comedy
Starring: Trey Parker, Matt Stone
Director: David Zucker
Writers: David Zucker, Robert LoCash, Lewis Friedman, Jeff Wright

Plot: Best friends, Coop and Doug, create a new sport that takes America by storm. These two bums turned pro athletes then have to protect the game from a money-grabbing millionaire who wants the power, dollar and fame for himself.

Before we get started, for those that don't know, Trey Parker and Matt Stone are the masterminds behind South Park.

Review: This film combines the perfect amount of South Park low class and tongue in cheek humour for an all round, half decent comedy. The entire film is basically based on an idea that you and your mates could come up with as a joke but then somehow got turned into a film... a lot of people don't like this, but I think it works. It's as if everyone involves knows it's terrible yet manage to play on that fact with purposefully bad acting and awful props alongside many cringe worthy jokes to make an enjoyable comedy film. Probably worth a watch, if you're into the likes of Team America and South Park.

Did you know?

BASEketball is a game that actually exists. The entire movie is based on a game the director, David Zucker, and his friends made up on his driveway. Believable.

The word 'dude' is said 98 times throughout the film.

Chris Farley, from the classic 90s film Wayne's World, was originally offered the role of Coop. When he turned it down, Trey Parker and Matt Stone were offered the role and changed the entire script to suit their comedic style.

The South Park Kenny is actually in this film... but as Kenny 'Squeak' Scolari.

Reasons why The Wolf of Wall Street is one of the best films ever

Based on the true story of wealthy and borderline insane stockbroker Jordan Belfort, this film has an amazing storyline and is incredibly well produced. It has easily made it's way into my top five films of all time.... and this is why.

1. Because it produces tweets like this

2. The actors ACTUALLY snorted powder in the cocaine taking scenes. Even it was just crushed vitamin B tablets...

3. One of the drug scene took 70 takes, just to get ham to stick to Leo's face. They eventually managed to do this by using lube. Dedication to the cause.

4. It combines the talent of all these amazing people.

5. The actual Jordan Belfort coached Leonardo DiCaprio on how to play a crazy, drug-fuelled, sex crazed maniac. Good job Jordan, good job.

6. In the film's opening weekend weekend, it took over 18 million dollars.

7. It has all the elements of classic Scorsese films... 

dancing,

 money,

sex,

and of course, drugs. Lots and lots of drugs.

8. Despite only have being released for under two months, The Wolf of Wall Street has already won 17 awards and been nominated for another 53... including five oscars.

9. One of the scenes in the film had to be toned down in order to receive the certificate 18. That's right. Can you imagine what it must have been before hand?

10. The on screen chemistry between Leonardo DiCaprio and Jonah Hill is unreal.

11. Any film with this quote in the trailer has to be a pretty, pretty intense film.

"My name is Jordan Belfort. The year I turned 26, I made 49 million dollars, which really pissed me off because it was three shy of a million a week."

12. And finally, because even if you don't like the storyline, you can look at one of the most beautiful women in the world for almost three hours.

Film Review A; Apocalypse Now (1979)

Rating: ★★★★

Running Time: 2 hour 33 minutes
Rating: 15
Release Date: 15 August, 1979
Genre: Drama, War
Starring: Martin Sheen, Harrison Ford, Laurence Fishburne
Director: Francis Coppola
Writers: John Milius, Francis Coppola

Plot: Captain Willard, an army captain and intelligence officer, is given a new and dangerous mission after he has come home from his tour of the Vietnam war. The mission; to assassinate Colonel Walter Kurtz, a man who lost his mind and has set himself up as a God among a tribe in Cambodia. Willard must now endure the terrifying and brutal journey during the height of the Vietnam war in order to find almost unlocatable man for a mission that 'does not exist - nor will it ever exist'.


Review: This film is like an onion, there's lots of layers. Everything combines together to really make this film a piece of artwork. Firstly, it's got so many fantastic actors at the start of their careers. I mean, I had no idea Charlie Sheen had a famous papa, yet I was amazed by his fantastic display of acting skills. Sheen really brings life to the character and makes every trait of Willard's so believable; the trauma he's faced, the cold, broken man he has now become, he's on the edge of insanity... and Sheen shows this in the most subtle ways yet makes it so powerful. Not to mention the rest of the star studded cast; Harrison Ford, Laurence Fishburne, Marlon Brando... fantastic casting for the film.

The next layer to add to the film as the absolutely incredible soundtrack! It's like the soundtrack you'd expect to have in a seventies sci-fi and horror film. The music seems almost out of place and makes a real statement, rather than being subtle in the background. This adds to how out of place the war, fighting and man made machinery is in the depth of nature and the jungle.

The storyline is absolutely brilliant. The film is three hours long and it definitely felt three hours long. However, the storyline is intriguing enough to keep it's audience enticed throughout the entire thing. There is depth to a lot of the characters allowing you to either take them at face value or read more into them. Apocalypse Now allows to viewer to make the decision to passively or actively watch it - and either way is enjoyable.

Overall, it's pretty, pretty good. It's a long one meant for Sunday afternoons and a definite must see.

That Stuff What's Good; November

November... the month that is basically December eve. All the below are what I have been enjoying for the past month but now it's November, it can't really be an October list... but all are definitely enjoyed all year round.

THE RICKY GERVAIS SHOW

Hilarious. Just so, so, so funny. I love the round headed buffoon that is Karl Pilkington. I've watched all of season one and half of season two in the last week and every second was worth while. I hope Karl writes an autobiography called 'The Life and Times of Karl Pilkington'. It'd be the most amusing read ever.

RUBICON MANGO

This has to be the most refreshing drink in the world, without a doubt. No more needs to be said. Have one.

PRO BIKINI ATHLETES

Squat hard and squat deep. I don't get the hype about skinny girls, I'd much rather look like Steph Mahoe (pictured above) than Kate Moss. I'm really into lifting at the moment and my ultimate inspiration are pro bikini athletes. It's like the perfect level in between your standard bikini model and body builders. It's something every girl can work towards and if you put in the effort, you will definitely get results. And if you're bulking, you get to eat ALL THE TIME. It's all about thick thighs and massive bums. Take note.

PERI PERI

I'm a massive fan of fried chicken and haven't had any cheap chick chick better than Peri-Peri. As a standard, it's cooked fresh to order and not only do they do fried chicken, they also have peri peri chicken (surprisingly). All cooked fresh to order too. Unlike Maryland, it's hardly even greasy. It's all about ordering a number five (three pieces of original chicken, two hot wings, fries and a drink) then having an extra portion of wings on top. Hmm, dem wings.

ADD ON: I wrote this a few days ago but didn't finish it, and yesterday I went to Peri Peri but forgot my purse so only had the change in my pocket and they said I could anything I wanted and just pay whenever. WHAT SOUND GUYS.

NOTHING WAS THE SAME

Well Drake really pulled it out the bag, didn't he? What a sick album. Every track is peak, I've been listening to the entire album on repeat for the last month or so and I'm still not bored of it. I have seen some hilarious vines about Drake calling it 'aggressive' and that, when it really is a pretty tame album, but the sound is amazing. I can't think of anything that compares. It's like he's found the perfect ground between Young Money music and then pansy RnB like Chris Brown. If that makes any sense. It does to me. Props Drake.